Health

Covid-19: An ex-convict with an evangelistical swag offers you a cure.

Forget about facemasks, sanitizers, and hand washing. Go on living your life “jeje” without any fear of covid-19 and the lives it is snapping around the world.

For onto us a man, a “savior”, has been born. May be you know him. May be you don’t. But he is a popular American televangelist with a larger than life swag.
His name is Jim. Jim Bakker.

A few years ago, he was caught with his hands in the cookie jar, converting church donations to take care of his luxurious lifestyle.

Well, that is a common crime these days you may say. And it is. Everywhere you look around the globe, an evangelist is living large on the money of his followers.

The formula is simple, you give your money to the Lord and the Lord passes it on to his beloved child, the preacher, who in turn invests it in the “Lord’s earthly kingdom”, supposedly, with no queries anticipated. Well, not always.

Somewhere in the world, a sleep deprived prosecutor might come knocking to look at the books of an evangelist. That is how Jim Bakker ended up in jail in the 90s.

That was years ago. Jim has since then re-engineered his high flying ministry and living the good life all over again.

That is easy to do when you have a pool of people who are continuously shopping for a “spiritual daddy figure” or always willing to “follow, follow”.

Jim is not just an evangelist. He is also a “snake oil” salesman who reads your emotions to figure out where you keep your money. And when he does, he sends his vacuum cleaning sales cum evangelical request after you. God help you if your heart is loose and your wallet is within reach.

This time, he says his wonder supplement will cure the “kolo” virus Oyibo man has given the technically appealing name of covid-19. Sounds like a game console, doesn’t it? But it is not. It is a killer virus and Jim has a cure for it: Uptivida Silver Solution.

According to one of Jim’s surrogates, Uptivida
“totally eliminates it (any virus), kills it, deactivates it, and then it boosts your immune system”.
Jim sat back in his magisterial throne nodding and murmuring “yeah, yeah”.

So, for a mere $80 or N28,000, you can invite covid-19 to dinner and remain alive to tell a beautiful story. Good luck to you and your family. But, let it be that it is just you and yours that will be at the dinner table. Don’t invite anyone without a proper legal disclosure and a no prosecution consent form.

Anyway, the Washington Post reports that a prosecutor in New York has written to Jim to cease and desist running his mouth about curing covid-19 on television. He has also been given a 10 days deadline to scrub his website of all the nonsense there or else the State of New York will meet him in court to speak jailbird “turanci”

I am sure Jim would remember what happened the last time he was in court and stay within the boundaries of selling spiritual junk on television.

For now, cease and desist from being an idiot dancing to the beats of local or international clowns who are after your wallet. Somebody, here in Nigeria, bought a small bottle of sanitizer for N19,000 and began a social media war on the drug store from where it was bought until the consumer protection council stepped in and secured a refund.

The question is why would somebody with his “korokoro” eye pay N19k for a sanitizer. Is Nigeria under a covid-19 siege. Even if it is, would a N19k sanitizer translate into 100% protection for anyone? Was that a purchase driven by fear or by foolishness?

Yes, do what medical authorities ask you to do. Wash your hands, use sanitizers and wear a face mask if you need to. But do it with some common sense. Kugani?

About author
Publisher and Editor-in-Chief, Newspackng.
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