Life, Little Things and Laughter

How I Lost My Virginity With Jumoke

It started a week before.

Jumoke was a pretty young woman with wide hips. She was big, bold, brash and very confident. Young but obviously already wise in the ways of the world and open to innuendos, experimentation and suggestions. She had done it before!

Losing your virginity should be like losing weight. Lose it, get it back again!

Emmanuel, my best friend at 19 and I lived on the same street and were used to travelling home together, from school. Anyway, that fateful Tuesday we took the bus from CMS to Yaba. Usually at Yaba, we decide if we should walk all the way home to Surulere or rush for the Danfo bus. Rushing for the bus was a struggle we went through when I was growing up. There were never enough buses on the road and so it was always ‘’rofo-rofo’’ fight. This was years before Buhari/Idiagbon combo was in government and tried to teach Nigerians to queue.

Italian men can tell if the girl they want to marry is a virgin or not. It’s simple. You paint one ball with red paint and the other with blue paint. If the girl says, ‘That’s the strangest pair of balls I have ever seen’, you know!

We saw Jumoke at the bus stop in Yaba. A student of the New Era Girls Secondary School and she was on the way home too. She was walking with other girls, one of whom knows Emmanuel. So, through that link, we got introduced to each other and I fell in love. You know how it is at that age!

I honestly cannot remember what we talked about but that is not the point of this story anyway. If I had to write about our conversation, I’d simply be making shit up. The oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, or ideas was simply interactive and breath-taking. I couldn’t believe this fine girl was chatting with me.

Emmanuel and I decided we would take the Danfo home on that day, along with Jumoke. Walking home was definitely out of the question. Turns out she lived in the same area and only a few kilometres from us. A walking distance, of course! In those days, we could walk for the Olympics.

It’s not that we didn’t have a car. On the contrary, my father could boast of about 4 cars at any one time. He was a car insurance broker and so was always rich in cars. You know the way people drive in Lagos. I remember that it was Jumoke that made me take up driving. Or to start learning how to drive, just to impress her. One day, I actually stole the key to one of the cars and drove to her house just for the fun of it. The things men do for love!

You took my daughter’s virginity, he said. I am sorry Sir, it won’t happen again!

Okay, so we met on Tuesday, a clear week before it happened.

The Danfo dropped Jumoke off at home and we went off on our merry way. However, we met up again the next day and subsequently started hanging out. Jumoke was fun and funny. A great conversationalist and she could talk about anything. Turns out her favourite topic were relationships and sex, and she could not stop talking about it.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced five previous husbands. On their wedding night, she said to him, ‘Please be gentle with me, I am a virgin’. ‘What?’ he said. How can that be when you have been married five times?

‘Well, she said. Husband one was a salesman; and he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband number two was an engineer. He understood the basic principles, but he wanted a few years to research into it. Husband three was a marketer who though he had a great device, never quite knew how to position it. Husband four was a psychologist and all he did was talk about it. Husband number five was a stamp collector; all he did was…….God, I miss him so much!

‘This time I am glad I married you’. ‘Why’, he said. ‘You are a lawyer. This time I know I am going to get screwed’.

Jumoke lived with her parents and a little brother in a single room apartment. Thus, there was no room to swing a cat, let alone have any privacy. On the other hand, I had a room all to myself, on the ground floor flat of our house. This afforded lots of privacy especially long before my parents returns from work! Oh, I knew I was in trouble when she asked where my house was and started making plans to come and see the place.

She came.

She came on Tuesday, the week after we first met. The Danfo dropped us off at her house where she got changed and we walked to mine. Soon as we got to my room, she started complaining about being hot, sweaty and needing to have a shower. It seemed reasonable enough!

Unfortunately, after having had the shower, Jumoke decided to lie on the bed to relax? It didn’t seem necessary to get dressed immediately especially since it was still hot outside. After a while, she asked if I would come and lie beside her. Of course, I said without waiting for a second invitation.

She took me by the hand and led me to all the hidden places. She showed me the playroom and the appliances. She took the device and asked me to use it. But, I hadn’t used it before so I didn’t quite know what went where. It was difficult to find the right entrance.

Anyway, Jumoke soon got frustrated and decided I was a marketer!

NB: We did it, well, nearly! Technically speaking, I am still a virgin!

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