I woke up to an early morning down pour. I could hear the gushing sound of water in the gutter just across the fence. Frogs love water. You know that already. On a good day, I would have hopped into the gutter to swim and play around. Not today.

I heard that someone drowned somewhere in the neighborhood. That made me sad. Really sad. How does a grown man riding in a luxurious car drown in rain water?

You humans suck. Especially the ones around here. You can’t construct drainages? Jeez! You just can’t get anything right. And you would not seek advice from us. We were around long before you came by, you know. The Holy Book says so. You don’t even read it any more. You just carry the bulky large print version to your worship shrines and listen to all that jazz from smooth talking “holy men” who turn your ignorance into cash and live large thereafter.

Believe me, this morning I just wanted to meditate about a few things going on. You know, like frogs out on a walk being kidnapped. Frogs in uniform killing civilian frogs. And uniformed frogs turning their guns on each other.

But having a quiet moment around here is impossible. The birds, what a noisy bunch. I can’t even hear the sound of my own breath. It is hardly dawn but they are all over the place, whistling and singing. What is it that makes those nuts happy in the midst of all the sadness in the land?

Reminds me of Skeeter Davis’ 1963 hit single “End of the World”
The disturbed poor lady sang:
“Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don’t they know it’s the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love.”

I guess birds have been a nuisance for quite a while.

Anyway, it is not only the birds’ whistling and singing that get to me. Some even saunter and hop around like ducks, admiring themselves on window panes.

Courtesy Pdaimages.

Come to think of it, they are not really that great looking, are they? Just take a quick look at the one above captured by the lense of my busybody neighbour who points his lousy camera at everything he sees around. He is another crank and loser that I have to deal with. He barged into my bedroom this morning to take a shot of me while I was still in my night wears. He says he is a writer. What I don’t know is whether that gives him the right to violate my right to some privacy? I guess my squeaky ass will be all over the internet shortly. I hope it doesn’t go viral because that will get me really pissed.

Back to the birds. Don’t get me wrong, am not saying no bird is great looking. That will be racist. All am saying is that the specie in this neighborhood are not it when it comes to beauty.

Oh, there is something else they do that makes me want to punch them in the face and throw them in front of a moving car.

Why on earth do they peck on glass windows as if they are woodpeckers? It gives me migraine and drives me out of my mind.

What is the point of all that pounding on windows Is it some form of exercise. If it is, I don’t get it. I have never heard of a “six pack” beak.

One more thing, some birds have begun leaving their eggs in neighbours’ windows unattended to. Phew! Whatever happened to good motherly care.

Courtesy Pdaimages.

Well, still on the noise matter, I agree that some of us frogs can be equally noisy especially in the rainy season. But there is a perfect reason for that. It is the mating season. It is not that I approve of such reproduction bedlam. Those black and slimy folks give respectable, quiet and law abiding frogs like me a bad name.

Believe me, I think frogs should go about their sex life without bringing down the neighborhood with all that stupid croaking.

On a final note, if you see picture of me in my underwear online, please do not share.

Courtesy Pdaimages.

Respect my privacy. You shouldn’t be sharing such stuff. Go out and have a life. Stop coiling up in bed on a Saturday morning sharing nonsense on the internet. If you do, I hope your phone crashes so that the world would have some peace.

Nigerians protesting the killings in South Africa. (Facebook photo)

Oh, our condolences over the Nigerians killed in South Africa. Don’t be angry that this message is coming late. As you have seen in this protest note, we frogs are also dealing with a lot of things.

In the eyes of cartoonist Bulama.

However, it interesting how quickly you people stand up for your compatriotes killed abroad over the ones killed at home daily. Nevertheless, we have sent a strong message to frogs in South Africa not to try that nonsense they are doing to you people with us. That will amount to a declaration of war!