St. Valentine’s Day will be celebrated globally on Thursday, February 14. The event began as a liturgical celebration of one or more early Christian saints named Valentinus. It is an official feast day in the Anglican Communion, as well as in the Lutheran Church.
The event, also known as the Feast of St Valentine, is a celebration of love observed in many countries around the world. Initially, it was associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer when the tradition of courtly love flourished in the middle ages.
In the 18th century England, St. Valentine’s Day evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery and sending greeting cards (known as ‘Valentines’).
Anyway, that’s all good and well. Let us talk about romance, love, sex and why not wearing a condom can be extremely bad for you on that day.
Joke: I was at the doctor’s clinic the other day with my farting problem. I said to him, “I fart all the time! But the good part is that ‘they’ are silent, and they don’t smell. So, nobody knows. Ever since I stepped into your clinic, I have farted about 20 times and nobody noticed.” He gave me some medicine and told me to come after a week.
A week later, I went fuming to his office and said, “What kind of medicine was that? Now my farts stink like hell! The good thing is that they are still silent. So, nobody knows I did it.”
Now, the doctor calmly replied, “Okay, so your nose infection is cleared. Next, I will give you medicine for your ears.”
Prevention of infection
For those who have ears, please listen carefully. Condoms prevent sexually transmitted infections. You must wear it before sexual intercourse and be strict about not allowing bodily fluid from your partner anywhere near your sex organ. It prevents infections like gonorrhoea, herpes, hepatitis B and C, syphilis and, of course, HIV.
The thing about not using protection is that you risk catching an infection. You risk passing an infection to your partner. Don’t forget that our bodies are vastly different and a germ that may be local and friendly to you (not giving you any symptoms or problems) may be dangerous to your partner. So, using a condom protects you and your partner.
If you don’t want to protect yourself, then you are playing the game, ‘Passemon’. The sexually transmitted infection trading game! This game is a new craze that is sweeping bedrooms across nations. Have you got chlamydimander? How about herpesaur? Or even gonococcus?
Collect and swap them now with your loved ones!
So, St. Valentine’s Day is a great time to catch as many infections as possible. It will guarantee a visit to the doctors in March with a nasty urinary tract infection, a cold sore, itchy vagina full of smelly discharge, a penis clothed with warts and a possible positive HIV test.
The St. Valentine’s Day could be the best, most romantic and funniest ever if you do not let it go to your head. Lose your heart, but don’t lose your head. You should be smart and avoid situations that lead to problems when morning comes.
Joke: A chap thought it would be funny putting a pin through all his best friends’ condoms. It did seem like a good idea at the time. Unfortunately, it seriously backfired when he found out his own wife was pregnant. For the best friend!
Prevention of pregnancy
Wearing a good condom on St. Valentine’s Day could be an effective way of preventing pregnancy and therefore limiting your chances of having a baby by Christmas. Among the Yoruba, a December baby is rather special and likely to be called, ‘Abiodun’, just like yours truly.
Studies have suggested that babies born around November and December are better behaved and more intelligent than those born in the summer months.
Scientists at both Harvard and Queensland (Australia) universities looked at the statistics and found that children born in November and December tended to be longer at birth than those born in the summer. By the age of seven, the winter-born kids were heavier, taller, and had larger head circumference than their peers. This means that if you want to give birth to an astronaut or a rocket scientist, ditch the condom in February and March. Also, ensure your partner stops taking contraceptive pills from now.
No point climbing two mountains in one night.
NB: The morning after pill is currently the safest way to prevent pregnancy after unprotected sexual intercourse or contraception failure, with low incidence of side effects. It is very unlikely that you will have any serious or long-term side effects after taking it. If you do want to prevent having a December baby, then rush to your local chemist on Friday 15th and get ‘Postinor’.