The Loon’s Prayer

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Let us recite the Loon’s prayer.
Oh Loon,
To the big gate of your savage dwelling
We have come
To take our deserved seats at the high table of celebrated dorks.

Oh Loon,
We bow to be crowned with revered wreaths of contempt
While we pray
And fast
And praise your impious name.

Oh Loon,
Give us boulder-heads infused with slum-sludge.
Endow us with the wisdom of dung beetles.
Reveal to us how to live a primitive life, Free of the wonders of the 21st world.

Oh Loon,
Find favour in our nugatory toils and glorify us before the world.
Help us bind the gullets of those who have sworn to show us the right way.
Give us the thews to build enough caves to confine them.

Oh Loon,
Replace the single demon in our hearts with seven,
That our ways will never be straight
And our paths perpetually tenebrous.

Oh Loon,
May our eyes never break a tear for those whose lives will have ruined
Or behold the poor
Or the widow
Or the hungry
That wail before us day and night.

Oh Loon,
May we never look back to see the rising smoke from the beleaguered city
Or the rivers of blood splashing over the cliffs.

Oh Loon,
Prepare for us palaces in your kingdom
To live off the loots we shall bring from our forsaken land.
Father of darkness, bless our villainy and protect La Republique from the prayers of the few but trapped righteous men.
Amen!

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